A Sex Life won’t Fix Itself



A Sex Life won’t Fix Itself

Has your sex life diminished, perhaps to almost nothing? Does your partner keep asking you about sex and you just hope it will fix itself. Is it scary to address your sex life or your own views? Do just want the issue to go away or fix itself?

For many people, sex and sexuality is not a comfortable issue. One of the most common lies people tell themselves is that the sex life should just fix itself. This lie is a way of avoiding dealing with difficult issues in the relationship or your personal dissatisfaction that you don’t know how to bring up.

Often times, couples started out with a strong sex life and feelings of desire for their partner. Often things changed when they moved in together or had children. They didn’t know how to talk about it effectively. Lack of sex in an otherwise healthy couple, in which at one time there was a good sex life, is often a symptom or a consequence of relationship issues.

There are many reasons why sex goes away in a couple. Too often people do not realize how the relationship such as emotional connection, emotional maturity and hygiene matter in a relationship. Many unhelpful beliefs about sex, like being married will make someone want to have sex, hurt the sexual relationship.

Common reasons why sex in a couple goes away, when there was a healthy sex life, is the repetition of hurt and disappointment by the other person in which partner constantly doesn’t keep their agreement or breaks the agreement made. These may be on small issues like saying they’ll take out the trash to what time they will be home to what they’ll do as a parenting responsibility. The person breaking their agreements big or small isn’t trustworthy and this hurts the other person.

Infidelity or other betrayals result in the loss of a sex life, especially if the issues haven’t been resolved. Betrayal, of which infidelity is one type, cause immense damage to the couple and the relationship. These things cannot be just forgotten or moved on. Not properly dealing with hurt from these as well as the loss of trust will ruin a sex life.

Living with a partner who is selfish or self-centered and is not aware of it ruins a sex life. Unfortunately this person often does things that hurt their partner, such as  after the birth of a child or children one partner does not step up and help and parent the way they want leaving the other person disappointed, overwhelmed and sad. Selfish behaviors ruins a sex life.

Living with a partner who is emotionally immature and often has outbursts of anger and cannot function in a healthy grown-up manner, often results in the reduction of sex or withdrawal by the other partner from sex. Immature behaviors and attitude ruins a sex life.

Any one of these issues will not magically resolve themselves nor fix itself. Sex, like every other aspect in life, rather it’s money, career, savings, vacation, retirement, all require active attention and planning and discussion on the part of the grown-up.

Unfortunately, many people lack the skills and stamina and emotional maturity to be able to do this. These are difficult issues in which a lot of things feel at stake, the safety of marriage, finances, family and people are often just really, really afraid to face into these issues.  People can grown and heal and learn more grown behaviors to have better relationships and a better sex life.

All in the Family Counselling specializes in clinical sex therapy and emotional connection, relationships, attachment. Ms. Fontana helps couples in which they once had a healthy sex life and then one person stops having it or it goes away.

Sex is an important part of a marriage and this is why people protect it through monogamy. However, monogamy requires a lot of work to keep a relationship healthy and the sex life attractive.

Too many people do not realize that you have to take charge of your sex life and that the most important organ in the body is the mind and you must be able to communicate, express your needs, resolve conflict and set up a relationship in a way that is neat satisfying in order to support a healthy sex life.

If you would like to learn more about how therapy can help you address your sexual challenges or any other relationship issues, contact us now. All in the Family Counselling has been providing therapy in Singapore and Southeast Asia for two decades.

Our lead therapist Tammy Fontana is skilled and specialized in mental health, attachment, complex developmental trauma, sexual intimacy, depression, anxiety, communication and other mental health issues. Contact us at +65 9030 7239 or email us at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com. Don’t wait before it’s too late!

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