Are you seeking tips and tricks to fix your sex life? Are you married and your sex life has been disappointing or non-existent. Are you confused and sad by your missing sex life? Do you wonder how sex therapy will help you? Do you feel embarrassed to reach out for help?

You, like many people, long for a wonderful and fulfilling sex life. You many be recently married and thought that sex would be easy and fun with your partner, only to find it awkward, uncomfortable and perhaps even disappointing and disconnecting. You many even not want to repeat it and fail to see what all the hype about sex is.

A lot of people may you too, think sex is all about the mechanical doing. They are looking for sex tips and tricks to help with the mechanical part.

Unfortunately, this is one of the mistakes people make. Sex is all about the quality of the relationship, the mind. The ability to feel close and connected to someone is required to have the physical aspects of sex. Sex does not cause intimacy but comes out of intimacy. How do you build intimacy you say? Well, you have to talk, be vulnerable, know yourself, have boundaries and be open to listening to your partner and how they experience you.

How will Sex therapy help you?

Too many people think that sex therapy is actually about the mechanical, engineering aspects of sex but what couples fail to realize is that lack of sex in their relationship, especially in a relationship in which sex used to take place, is really a symptom than a problem.

The lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship in which at one time there was, is often result of many complicated relationship issues. Some of them stem from after the birth of children, there can be disappointment and disillusionment. As people get to know one another better they may realize that think they had hoped would change on their partner are not going to change and are permanent issues and they may not even know how to articulate this or talk to their partner.

They may be hurt or disappointed repeatedly by their partner and they have given up trying to explain this. As a result, they withdraw from the relationship and sexually from their partner because of the hurt. The other thing that can happen is one of the partners may be more selfish or self-centered, unknowingly causing other partner to feel disregarded and unconsidered and this results in the person withdrawing and not wanting to have sex.

Too many people think sex is about having hot body or doing techniques or dressing up. However, what is most important is the quality of the relationship and the intimacy that is involved and intimacy is the sharing of self. Unfortunately for many couples, they never learnt how to do this, they were often trying to be what they thought their partner wanted to be and over time that gets harder and harder to uphold and they are living in a relationship in which they don’t feel accepted, safe, loved and they don’t know how to communicate this or resolve this. One of the consequences is they withdraw sexually or the sex goes away.

Sexual therapy and sex intimacy therapy is about dealing with people’s beliefs, thoughts and ideas. There are elements of education, there are skills that need to be learnt about self-reflection, self-awareness, learning how to communicate what you want, learning how to listen and respond in non-defensive manners and most importantly, learning how to establish boundaries so that people can be close and loving.

Sexual therapy can be very rewarding and can help couples improve and save the relationship. However, it does take time and it does take courage. If you would like to learn more how therapy can help you, contact us at +65 9030 7239 or email

All in the Family Counselling Centre has been providing therapy, sexual therapy, intimacy therapy, marriage counselling, marriage therapy for over two decades. Tammy Fontana, lead therapist and psychologist, mental health counsellor and sex therapist, is skilled in dealing with issues around complex developmental trauma, trauma, infidelity, difficult cases, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. Contact us now to learn more!

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