What do if your partner doesn’t want to attend therapy?



What do if your partner doesn’t want to attend therapy?

Are you trying to convince your partner to attend therapy? Are you seeing that there are issues in the relationship and no matter how hard you try you can’t get your partner to commit to coming to therapy? Do you want to figure out a way to improve the quality of your relationship, your sex life or any other aspects and yet your partner refuses to come, but you are highly motivated to go?

Therapy with a couple in which one partner doesn’t want to come is something that is a common theme among many couples. If you are a highly motivated individual and really want to attend therapy to improve the quality of the relationship and address issues around communication, conflict, sex and emotional intimacy and yet you can’t get your partner to come and feel frustrated, you can attend therapy alone.

Too often the highly motivated partner thinks that they need the other partner to come into therapy to make change. This often results in a power struggle between the two partners in which therapy now is seen as a form of punishment or a signal that the person attending has a problem.

If you are a highly motivated individual, you can do therapy on your own, without your partner. You have 100% control over the relationship half that you have, you have control over what you say, you do, the boundaries you set and how you respond to your partner.

All in the Family Counselling Centre and Tammy Fontana work often with individuals who are highly motivated to improve the quality of their relationship and yet their partner doesn’t come. Ms. Fontana can help you understand what your partner is trying to say, the subtle ways and messages that you might be missing and more importantly, the things that you can do and take control of yourself.

Since you have 100% control over what you do, what you say and the boundaries you set, by changing what you do and say can cause a change into the relationship system and your partner will react in new ways. This can result in changes in the relationship and a better understanding of your partner.

Don’t turn therapy into another power struggle between you and your partner. If you really want to go and you are highly motivated, go yourself. Therapy is a vehicle of empowerment and education. It is not a stigma, it is not a signal that there is something wrong with you. It is rather a brave thing that people who want something better realize that they can’t solve on their own and they get help. Do not make this into another power struggle in which the cost of your relationship will be paid.

All in the Family Counselling Centre has been providing therapy in Singapore and Southeast Asia for over two decades.

Tammy Fontana, lead therapist, is a clinically trained mental health counsellor, psychologist, clinically trained sex therapist. She has specialization in complex developmental trauma, attachment, infidelity, communication, couple counselling, anxiety and depression. If you would like to learn more, contact us at +65 9030 7239 or email us at ta***@al***********************.com.