Stop Ignoring (Missing) Sex Life



Stop Ignoring (Missing) Sex Life

Has your sex life all but gone away? Are you feeling confused, embarrassed and not sure what to do? Are conversations with your partner difficult to have on this topic? Are you just ignoring but the anxiety is growing? Do you want to address the lack of your sex life but don’t know where to begin?

Many people wonder if their sex life is normal? Normal is not a helpful concept. We want to ask is what I have healthy and am I happy with my sex life. Too many couples are suffering from shame and embarrassment about their lack of sex life. They don’t know about to talk about it to their own partner. They feel uncomfortable with their own sexuality or haven’t developed it. Many times they just ignore it and hope it will fix itself.

Lack of a sex life and not knowing how to address it is common for many couples or individuals in a marriage. Couples might even have a good marriage and are happy but are not having sex. People long to have a happy and healthy sex life in which they feel wanted, desired and fulfilled, as well as attractive. Unfortunately, many people are not educated in how sex works in long-term relationships and their ideas about sex often contribute to the difficulties in approaching sex and talking about sex with their partner.

Many people have this mistaken idea that sex from how just happens outside of them, that you’ll be overwhelmed by intense feelings that will drive you and compel you to have sex. Other times, people are misinformed, thinking that sex just declines over time and that there is nothing you can do about it.

Another big misinformation is that sex is something that just happens and that one does not need to take charge of it, that if you are really in love or really attracted to somebody sex will happen. Couples do not learn how to discuss and negotiate and prioritize sex among all the things they have to deal with.

All of these ideas contribute to making talking about sex with your partner very difficult and unfortunately, many people approach sex talks very mechanically. ”Do you want to do it?” ”When do you want to do it?” ”Why don’t you want to do it?’ ”Why aren’t we doing it?” ”What are you going to do about the fact that we are not having sex?” These are often common questions that lead to dead-end discussions and are not helpful.

So, many people resort to not talking about sex and hope that it will get better, but they feel angry and resentful and scared or feel misunderstood or feel attacked and judged. Therefore, sex therapy is one of the most difficult types of therapy for people to engage in. Unfortunately, they feel huge amounts of shame and embarrassment and are afraid are going to be judged or forced to do things.

Many people are curious about sex therapy but are afraid to reach out. They feel embarrassed or shame in seeking help. They many fear what the therapist will say or do. Many people are afraid that sex therapy means they will be forced to have sex. None of this is true.

The reality of sex therapy is very different from what people think of. It is just therapy. Helping people to get better education about sex and sexuality in their long-term relationships and in aging body and in a complex life.

Sex therapy is helping people to examine and update their beliefs and ideas about sex, to teach them how to become more self-aware and self-reflective about what they want, how to express what they want, how to develop boundaries, how to do healthy negotiation, how to feel and create a safe and loving environment in which people feel safe to express all the sides of themselves, including sexuality.

To have a good sex life one needs to be very self-aware about what one wants, what one desires and then be able to listen in a non-defensive manner to their partner. These are things that therapy helps people accomplish.

It takes time, it’s challenging, but the rewards are great and it strengthens your marriage.

If you would like to learn how therapy can help you contact us at +65 9030 7239 or email us at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com.

All in the Family Counselling Centre has been providing therapy and counselling to Singapore and Southeast Asia for two decades. Tammy Fontana, lead therapist, is an extremely trained and qualified therapist who has great success with difficult cases, working with complex developmental trauma, sex and intimacy, relationship, communication, anxiety, depression and infidelity and other issues. Contact us now to learn how we can help you!

We also have retreats that help couples advance their relationship much quicker. These retreats are custom designed and provide wonderful experiences for self-growth and healing.

Schedule an initial consultation

Through an initial consultation we'll help you frame goals and outcomes of therapy and what that would look like to achieve it.

Need help? Please contact us

Schedule an initial consultation